


one more time (celebration)

by aimelle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, slight inescapable doom undertones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 19:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5978641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimelle/pseuds/aimelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It goes like this :</p><p>Kylo Ren is surprised, the first time they kiss, enough for his body to give a perceptible start — not by the deed itself, which is deliberate and anticipated, but by the way Hux immediately seems to liquefy under his touch, shamelessly pressing against him — the way he doesn’t bother pretending for an instant that he hasn’t waited for this — a naked honesty Ren doesn’t expect at all, an abdication that leaves him with power over Hux he never expected to have, something unsettling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one more time (celebration)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ValiantBarnes (Cimila)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimila/gifts).



> Written for ValiantBarnes, to whom I owe an apology, I'm afraid. Amongst three prompts I chose the one that said : "honestly, just fucking wreck them. what are your filthy, wonderful headcanons?" and I thought, hey, I can do this, let's sin ! But the truth is, I am nothing but a humble vanilla bean. So this is going to be disappointing in terms of filth.  
>  Aside from that : the title is Daft Punk as usual, punctuation and I are still upset with each other and, i can't believe my eyes, this isn't an AU. A miracle of some sort, truly.  
>  I hope it's an enjoyable read !
> 
>  

They know how it starts.

 

It’s in the way they’re suddenly too close to each other whenever they argue — and Hux is the first to recognize that it’s something he enjoys as much as he hates it, that it makes him eager for so much more, and he doesn’t like it, because “overgrown child” isn’t his type, and how dare he, and it’s alright as long as it’s only a slight distraction somewhere in the back of his mind, but as it grows into some kind of obsession it only makes him angry, because frankly that’s the last thing he needs, and it’s stupid, and what did he ever _do_ to deserve this.

It’s in the way they deliberately reduce the space between them at every occasion they get — and it’s a little ridiculous, how barely accidental brushes of hands or shoulders grow more and more frequent, how short and slightly pointless meetings in private quarters keep on happening, how all this is going nowhere as they struggle to keep their distance in a private setting and steal meaningless touches in public.

It’s when Hux starts noticing that he stops breathing for half a second whenever Kylo Ren enters a room.

 

It goes like this :

 

Kylo Ren is surprised, the first time they kiss, enough for his body to give a perceptible start — not by the deed itself, which is deliberate and anticipated, but by the way Hux immediately seems to liquefy under his touch, shamelessly pressing against him — the way he doesn’t bother pretending for an instant that he hasn’t waited for this — a naked honesty Ren doesn’t expect at all, an abdication that leaves him with power over Hux he never expected to have, something unsettling.

 

It goes like this :

 

What it takes is a few drinks for Hux to decide that enough is enough and he doesn’t have time for games, and that’s how a kiss happens again and Ren is still painfully hesitant but he is flesh and blood and Hux is straddling him and whispering in his ear as he dexterously deals with absurd layers of clothing, _you know I have though a lot about what I’d like to do to you_ , and Ren is pretty much built like Hux has imagined and he appreciates works of art, _but what I want_ you _to do to me is a much more interesting topic_ , and Ren’s hands touch him too lightly when he craves him assertive and unbridled and bold, but this had to be expected, _I figured you were a virgin_ , and Ren’s jaw clenches and he seizes Hux by the throat and hisses, “Don’t you _dare_ mock me.”

And Hux tries to bite back his smile but can’t do anything about the flush creeping up his neck and face as he swallows with some difficulty and Kylo Ren lets go of him, and starts, “You—” and stops right away as his gaze ventures down, and Hux laughs and says, “Well there’s no point in denying it, does it bother you ?”

 

It goes like this :

 

Hux talks a lot.

He says, “Maybe stand up a little bit straighter, it should be more comfortable, for your neck — don't look away from me.”

He says, “Please, please, please, come on, I want you so much, I can’t — _please_ , I need you to touch me, I need you to — please, I’ve thought of nothing else all day, fuck me, please,” and, “thank you, thank you,” when Kylo Ren finally lays a hand on him, and his whole body is shaking.

He says, “Forget how easily I bruise."

He says, “Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Look at me. Listen. This isn’t a test. It’s not a challenge. It’s not — a test. You need to tell me when there’s something you don’t want to do. It’s not a failure. It’s not a problem. But you _have_ to tell me. I know what I like, I know what I can and cannot handle — for the most part at least — but you have no idea — It’s not a fucking performance review, Ren. I’m just not interested in having you do anything you’re exceedingly uncomfortable with. Actually it’s just about the opposite of what I’m into. Anyway. Are we clear on this ? Look at me. Are we ? Good. No, don’t, you’re not — but I can take care of you if you want. Do you ?”

He says, “Tighter. Tighter.” And then it’s only gasps and cries.

 

It goes like this :

 

Hux feels the ground tremble under his feet, a slight tremor that runs through his legs and up to his head, and all the way to his gloved fingertips, a feeble replica of the insane wave of power that’s coursing through space, death and destruction in its wake — and that tremor grows and changes, for a moment he can’t feel his arms or his legs, but then the sensations come back, running swiftly along those limbs and he feels the finitude and perfection of this human form (what holds it all together, why does it all work, how did it happen, how could it happen) like he never did before — and it’s exhilarating, a thrill that’s too much and threatening to rip his skin apart, pushing against those confines of flesh and bones, and he wants — he needs — he _wants_ a cold hard floor against his skin, a warm body against his, a thick cock in his ass and release from this compelling and painful arousal.

So as that day draws to an end he seeks out Kylo Ren and joins him in his quarters, and he doesn’t bother with more than a few necessary words — they are _Ren_ and _fuck_ and _want_ and _now_ and _don’t bother_ and _no_ and _need_ and eventually _please_ — as he presses against Ren and sighs in his mouth and revels in his impatience, every touch leaving him eager for more yet impeccably complete, and he acutely feels how strange and miraculous it is to have five senses, to be able to hear and see and touch and taste and smell another living being, and how presumptuous and brash it is to dare try bypassing the bounds of one’s body to reach someone else’s, and how arrogant it is to put words on it — and frankly he wants to be fucked and he voices that request and it is granted.

This has grown almost familiar, and Kylo Ren knows what he wants and doesn’t need to be told with as much detail as he used to — and sometimes Hux feels a tingle right outside of his mind, and allows Ren to get in more and more often, because images make the communication of certain specifics easier — and he holds Hux down almost effortlessly yet with more force than is necessary, enough for Hux to know that should he want to get away he couldn’t, and the silence is quite eerie, the sounds of flesh against flesh and damp urgency louder than they should be.

“Good,” Hux breathes out when it is, and he gives in without any restraint to a pleasure that comes in waves, and is somewhat underwhelming — it doesn’t make him lose his head, it’s not the greatest orgasm of his life, but it takes its time and provides relief, which is what he needed, and he feels himself go numb, some sort of peacefulness descending over him, and that is terribly nice.

Then Ren is gone and the floor is uncomfortably cool, so Hux picks up his cigarettes in his coat’s pocket and follows him to the bed, looking at him for a permitting nod before lighting one. He could revel in this — the selfish high, the awaited deliverance, the quiet tranquillity. But it is awfully obvious that Kylo Ren doesn’t share this pleasant state of mind — and Hux doesn’t want to know, really, he’s much better off not knowing, he should pretend not to notice, that should be easy — and he almost doesn’t ask, but then he does.

“What is it ?”

Ren doesn’t look at him but at his hands, obstinately, and has to try a few times before he manages to actually speak, and he does so in a low voice, and it sounds like a confession, and that’s — a problem.

“I _felt_ it,” he says.

“You felt _what_ ,” Hux asks, though he knows already.

“The Hosnian system — all those deaths — all those lives extinguished in an instant — and it felt _wrong_.”

Hux doesn’t have any words to offer here ; this is something he ordered ; this is something he doesn’t regret at all ; this is something that was necessary, and a display of power that he thoroughly enjoyed, and he isn’t plagued with a magical empathy field, and those deaths will neither weigh on his conscience nor cause him to lose any of the little sleep he occasionally gets. So he doesn’t say anything but shifts to wrap himself around Ren’s back and run a hand through his hair, and soon he’s going to have to get back to paperwork and battle plans, and Ren has a prisoner to interrogate when she regains consciousness, and comfort isn’t something that Hux feels qualified to provide, but Ren leans into his touch and doesn’t seem to resent him for not sharing his internal conflict.

 

It goes like this :

 

The planet and a quarter of his life’s work are falling apart, and Snoke sends him to get Kylo Ren and he tries to consider leaving him to die there — it’s so easy to blame _all this_ on him, really — but there’s a red dot on his tracker and they’re flying towards it and anyway he’s not stupid enough not to be scared shitless of Snoke and, and, and he wishes they could go faster because underneath the shuttle the ground is collapsing on itself and he’s pretty sure that any second now the dot is going to vanish because Kylo Ren will fall into an imploding planet’s core — and that would make Hux’s life simpler in so many ways — for starters, it would probably shorten his estimated lifespan considerably.

And when they do find him he’s conscious but unwilling (or maybe unable but Hux doesn’t feel charitable at this point) to move at all so it takes two troopers to get him aboard the shuttle and the ground is shaking and Hux can’t believe he’s risking his and more men’s lives for _Kylo Ren_ and can’t this go faster — he does see the appeal of dying in the disintegration of the weapon he’d placed his faith in and dedicated a lot of his time to, but if at all possible he’d like to live some more, and poetry can wait.

 _Bring me Kylo Ren._ Starkiller destroyed, thousands — hopefully, _only_ thousands — of stormtroopers dead, their firepower considerably reduced (euphemisms are the only way to remain levelheaded) and a setback that the Resistance would be able to boast about while the First Order could only lick its wounds — but Supreme Leader Snoke did not have a word to spare about all that. What mattered was to _complete_ Ren’s _training_. Perhaps Snoke thought one unstable childlike doubt-ridden man could do better than an army. Perhaps Snoke — sensible enough to be scared shitless, he reminds himself.

 

It goes like this :

 

“You have such _trivial_ concerns,” Kylo Ren says. Hux’s blood boils and calls for murder, but he keeps his mouth shut because he’s been told that Ren needed to rest and not get excited and the sooner he’s healed the sooner he can go to Snoke and stop being Hux’s problem and he’s getting more infuriating with every passing hour but Hux endures and tries not to be too concerned about his own fate.

 

It goes like this :

 

Everything gets worse. Ren has nightmares of which he wakes up screaming, when he doesn’t fucking _stop breathing_ in his sleep, and Snoke is getting impatient, and Hux is bone-tired and perhaps he should have stayed on Starkiller after all, at least the bullshit would be over.

Hux says, “Calm down.”  _A pathetic disaster_.

Hux says, “I can’t understand why you’re in any hurry to get to Snoke, and I can’t say I share your excitement. But then, unlike you, I’m afraid I’m expendable.”

Hux says, “We’re aboard the _Finalizer_. It’s 3:19. That’s two hours and one minute since you last woke up. Nothing has happened in between, and nothing is happening now. It’s okay. Don’t hold your breath. Do you need anything ? You don’t have to talk, but if you want to tell me something, you can. Is it ok if I hold you ? Ok. Do you think you can take, say, five deep breaths in a row ? Ok, good.”

 

It goes like this :

 

Kylo Ren is sufficiently patched up for them to cruise swiftly towards Snoke, and he'd never admit to it but he's terrified, and Hux wouldn't ever either but that's something they share — how useful is he to Snoke now, are those the last hours of his life — and what will this completing of Ren's training entail, and will he make it through, and can he withstand it, and what does Snoke hope to make of him now, when he's as lost as he ever was, nothing but raw exposed wounds — and when Hux gets up Ren asks, “Where are you going ?” and it means _don't_ and it's an appalling question.

 

Hux hopes they both know how this ends.


End file.
